One of the big arguments that we use to normalize our same sex relationships is that we are not defined by our sexual orientation. This is true. We are all multi-faceted people. Our sexual, emotional, and romantic desires are not the most interesting things about us. Being gay does not disregard or diminish the rest of our experiences or interests. It is not the singular defining characteristic of our community. And yet, our sexuality is often seen first while everything else that we are and everything else that we do is considered secondary to it. As a response to this tendency, we assert that being attracted to the same gender doesn’t set us apart. And it shouldn’t. But we do not live in a perfect world, so it does.
We are no less human than the heterosexual community. But we are not “just like you.” Being gay may not define us, but it is a large part of who we are because our life experience is greatly impacted by our orientation. This is because we are constantly treated differently for it. Many of us grew up confused, lost, and even bullied for being different from everyone else. A lot of us didn’t have examples or explanations of what we were feeling, and it took many of us a long time to understand that it was okay. But while we fought for self acceptance and self love, our surrounding environment did not necessarily support us or comfort us. This isolation and rejection by society impacted us. The experience of being a minority did make us different.
Our sexuality shouldn’t make us different, but it does. Being gay is not what inherently makes us different; our shared experience in how we are treated by the majority community has set us apart from our heterosexual counterparts. Being shamed by the rest of society has led us to create a subculture of liberation and freedom so that we are free to express ourselves.
Being gay is a huge part of who I am because it is not just an orientation to me. It is a lived experience, and being gay has affected my life and the way that the rest of society interacts with me. In a perfect world, the gender that we love wouldn’t matter. Our relationships would be normalized by society, and no one would ever feel the need to hide their identity. But in reality, loving the same gender does mean that we are different; we are different because we are treated as such.