Is Masculinity Considered Predatory When Embodied By Women?

People have a tendency to be afraid of what they do not understand. A lot of people feel comfortable with routines, rules, and expectations. If you’re aware of what is expected of you, you have a general idea of what you are supposed to do. The presented model of the American dream is to go to college, settle down, get married to the opposite sex, have 2.5 kids, and own a house. If you grow up thinking that the goal is to obtain this specific way of living and if these options are available to you, there is no obvious reason for you to question the system or identify how harmful it can be. If you are a straight, cisgender person of privilege that does not know about or understand other people’s experiences or identities, you may not realize how you play into a system that continues to oppress the rest of us that live “alternative lifestyles.” All of the aspects of the proposed American dream are not achievable for everyone. Not everyone has the opportunity or privilege to go to college. Not everyone is straight, and not everyone identifies with the gender binary. If the majority population refuses to question the heteronormative system, they will remain ignorant and we will remain ostracized and unseen.

Our heteronormative society has a tendency to force gender roles on individuals. Something that I’ve noticed is that a lot of straight people that I’ve interacted with have a tendency to be afraid of women that are more butch or stud presenting. Some lesbians embrace masculinity. They may wear clothing that is considered “manly.” Some may take on more dominant roles in their relationships, but not all necessarily do. We all have different styles, different preferences, and different mannerisms. Masculinity or gender presentation doesn’t necessarily determine personality traits or relationship roles. I’ve heard people talk about masculine presenting lesbians as if they are to be feared. They identify the masculinity within these women as predatory. This is the same masculinity that is praised when it is embodied by men. This parallel demonstrates that it is not masculinity that people fear. It is when someone of a certain gender steps away from the expected correlating gendered behaviors.

Jean Cordova, co-founder of the Lesbian Exploratorium explained “masculinity doesn’t belong to men, just like femininity doesn’t belong to women.” I agree with this statement. Unfortunately, there continues to be a great amount of stigma that is associated with men embracing femininity and women embracing masculinity. When individuals exude something other than what is expected from their gender, it is shamed or feared. True liberation cannot be reached if femininity and masculinity continue to be expected to correlate to specific, binary genders.

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Gay Minorities in a Heterosexual World

Heteronormativity threatens those of us that identify outside of the straight/cis model. It is so pervasive in the majority culture that queer individuals have created their own subculture simply by living authentically and surrounding themselves with like-minded people. Being a minority is stressful; trying to assimilate to a culture that barely recognizes your reality as valid or normal is incredibly difficult. Being categorized as “other” to the majority community leads us to seek out our own culture so that we can live honestly and comfortably with a strong sense of self and social identity.

Adam William Finerhut proposed a model that demonstrated the intersection between minority and majority identity. He proposed that there were four categories that gay people fall into, depending on what communities they identify with. The first category is “assimilated.” This category describes gay individuals that do not identify strongly with LGBT culture or community. Instead, they surround themselves with heterosexuals and feel like they belong in the heterosexual world. They do not consider their sexuality to be a large factor in their identity. Their sexual orientation, if they are in this category, is often ignored or even denied. Closeted individuals that create a heterosexual existence and life would fall into this group. They feel like they successfully blend in with the majority.

The second group that Finerhut identified is “separated.” These gay individuals feel as if their sexual orientation is crucial and absolutely central to their personal and social identity. As a result, they actively seek to separate themselves from the heterosexual world. They seek comfort in exclusively gay spaces. They feel an inability to relate to straight people or the heterosexual world. However, those that fall into this category are rarely able to completely separate themselves from heterosexuals. They may work with straight people or interact with them when needed, but they primarily value their relationships with other gay people and prefer to spend their time in queer spaces.

The third group that Finerhut proposed is “integrated.” These individuals work to combine their gay or lesbian identity with their active involvement in heterosexual spaces. They try to combine their social worlds, and do not feel isolated or try to separate from either community. They like to exist in both communities, and they do not feel isolated by either category.

The last group identified is “marginalized.” Those that fall within this category do not feel comfortable with their social identity in the gay community or the heterosexual community. They feel isolated from both groups, and they feel like they do not belong in any space. This is a dangerous group to belong to. We draw strength from community, and we develop self-respect through our confidence about our identity. If individuals feel separate from every social group, whom will they turn to for support? This is where a lot of gay youth fall through the cracks. They may feel rejected by their family and their heteronormative community, and they may not be able to find a queer space that is comfortable for them. Some gay youth find themselves jumping from a repressed environment to a scene that might involve risky sex, drug, and alcohol use. They may not find comfort or community with that particular scene, and therefore may feel rejected from both social circles.

Experiencing positive group identity helps develop healthy gay affirmation; having a supportive community positively impacts the mental health of individuals. Those that are high on gay identity will experience less internalized homophobia. Coming out to a large circle of people, if you are able to do so safely, may lessen the discomfort and self-hatred that you might feel about yourself and your identity. Surrounding yourself with people that have similar identities and experiences will also help.

Discrimination, perceptions of stigma and rejection, and internalized homophobia all contribute to stress that negatively impacts the mental health of gay individuals. However, feeling a stronger sense of identity with the LGBT community can help to lessen internalized homophobia and perceived stigma. Many of us actively seek out queer spaces and gay representation in the media. We can find comfort if we have the opportunity to interact with people that have similar experiences to ours and if we try to connect with others in our community.